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anothermoron

Apple Strudel
USA
5290 Posts |
Posted - July 06 2007 : 11:51:53 PM
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I post too many news articles, and a lot of other people do too. So I'm making this thread for news stories, whether they be funny, serious, or both on accident. I'll start this off with a classic "article seemingly from page 2 of some college magazine" story, and then a current clip that again, isn't supposed to be funny.
quote: Punk Fan Has Actually Never Heard a Punk Song By R. P. Marshall May 28, 2005, 19:35
Erin says punk "releases my artistic side." ABOVE: Erin displaying teenage angst and anti-socialism by drawing pretty leaves. SAN DIEGO– Erin Foster, 17, a self-proclaimed “huge punk music fan” strangely has never heard a punk music song in her entire life. The soon-to-be high school senior owns a sizable record collection and cites punk and alternative as her favorite genres, yet nothing punk nor alternative can be found within her 150-plus records.
“Right now I'm really into Good Charlotte,” she said, referring to a popular band whose music revolves around petty teenage angst, and not anti-establishment ideas, a staple of punk music.
Foster is also a fan of the Canadian teen singer Avril Lavigne, who, like Good Charlotte, sings about clothing and juvenile problems.
“She's so independent and has such an attitude like, ‘I just don't care,” said Foster, grasping only a minutia of what punk means while ironically attributing uniqueness to a prepackaged pop star. “She's cool.”
Foster has never heard the Sex Pistols’ classic “Never Mind the Bollocks,” cannot name one Clash song, and has never heard of proto-punk pioneers MC5 and the Velvet Underground. She has, perhaps surprisingly, heard of both the Who and the Ramones, and can name one song between the two of them.
“I'm usually into new stuff, but I have some old stuff, too,” she continued. “Like Blink-182 and Green Day,” the former of whom made their name singing about relationships and dates gone awry. Green Day primarily sings about malaise in suburbia.
Though no punk can be found in Foster's collection, one common thread ties all the CDs together: they are popular, a fact which may lead one to believe she would be open to popular music that could at least be described as “punkish.” Intriguingly though, she dismisses the massively popular band Radiohead, whose lyrics of alienation, political indictment, and social commentary—and even more so their sophisticated chord progressions and captivating arrangements—Foster decries as “really weird sounding.”
quote: Girl, 11, Charged With DUI After Chase AP Posted: 2007-07-06 17:19:59
ORANGE BEACH, Ala. (July 5) - An 11-year-old girl has been charged with driving under the influence after she led Orange Beach police on a high speed chase.
Greg Duck, Assistant Police Chief in Orange Beach, said the Tuesday night chase - which was caught on a dash camera in a police cruiser - started at about 10:30 p.m. in Orange Beach near the Florida line. It ended just inside the Gulf Shores city limits when the girl crashed and rolled the Chevy Monte Carlo she was driving.
Duck said the chase began when a patrol officer saw the car speeding west along Alabama 182. When the officer flicked on his lights to pull the car over, it sped up, The Press Register of Mobile reported on its Web site Thursday.
Police say the car sideswiped another vehicle during the chase, which reached speeds of more than 100 miles per hour. Investigators say the girl was taken to South Baldwin Regional Medical Center. She was treated for minor injuries and released.
The girl is from Perdido Key, Fla. and was vacationing in the area with family. Her name was not released because of her age.
Duck told NBC15 News that the girl told police she was on her way to pick up her sister at a concert in Orange Beach.
The case has been handed over to the Baldwin County Juvenile Court for prosecution. Along with the DUI charge, the girl faces charges of speeding, leaving the scene of an accident and reckless endangerment, Duck said.
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django747

Lego Slut
USA
3950 Posts |
Posted - July 07 2007 : 12:12:15 AM
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Yeah, I see a lot of drunk children on the road whenever I go to Orange Beach.
Oh, and to the "punk" girl: fuck you.
Anyway, this is fucked up:
quote: Updated: 5:37 p.m. CT July 6, 2007
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - Two teenagers were accused of gang-raping a woman and forcing her 12-year-old son to join in the attack, then beating him and pouring cleaning solution into his eyes.
Authorities allege Avion Lawson, 14, and Nathan Walker, 16, were among a group of about 10 masked suspects who forced their way into the woman’s apartment in a crime-ridden housing project the night of June 18.
The two were being held without bail Friday on suspicion of armed sexual battery by multiple perpetrators, sexual performance by a child, armed home invasion and aggravated battery. Both were arrested this week, but formal charges had not been filed. Story continues below #8595;advertisement
“Any rape case is horrible, but this takes it to another level, something you can’t think of even in your worst dreams,” police spokesman Ted White said.
According to the police report, a man knocked on the woman’s door at about 9 p.m. and told her he had a flat tire. The mother and son, whom police have not identified, went outside and were ambushed by a group of gun-wielding suspects.
Gruesome violence The victims told police they were forced back into their home and beaten and sexually assaulted.
According to authorities, the men raped, sodomized and beat the woman, then forced her son to participate in the assault at gunpoint, making him have sex with his mother in front of them.
The boy was then beaten and had numerous household cleaning liquids poured into his eyes, according to the police report.
The suspects also stole a few hundred dollars worth of cash and jewelry, White said.
White said more arrests were pending, but he would not say if authorities had identified additional suspects. The teens in custody were not cooperating, but Lawson confessed to taking part in the attack, White said. Walker has denied involvement, White said.
DNA evidence in a condom found in the victims’ home linked Lawson to the crime, police said. Investigators also say they found a palm print belonging to Walker at the scene.
Undergoing counseling The victims did not suffer life-threatening injuries and have been released from the hospital, White said.
“They’re going through the county victim services for counseling,” he said.
Lawson lived in Dunbar Village, the hardscrabble project where the attack occurred. Walker was apparently visiting a friend there, White said.
Authorities believe the suspects all knew each other from the neighborhood, but they don’t think they knew the victims directly.
Prosecutors have 21 days from the time a suspect is arrested to formally file charges. Lawson was arrested Tuesday. Walker was arrested Thursday.
A call to Lawson’s public defender was not immediately returned. It was not known if Walker has an attorney.
If you're reading this, I'm probably stoned right now.
django747.deviantart.com |
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anothermoron

Apple Strudel
USA
5290 Posts |
Posted - July 07 2007 : 12:16:57 AM
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Walker, how could you??? I KNEW his beard contained all the world's evil. But seriously, that's fucked up.
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The Russian Knight

Sunshine Luver
USA
2903 Posts |
Posted - July 07 2007 : 2:48:01 PM
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you guys should look at shout wire
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Phoenix

Donna is a skank
USA
1309 Posts |
Posted - July 07 2007 : 3:35:55 PM
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Yeah, I saw the gang rape and drunk 11-year-old story on my Wii, in addition to a story where a 12-year-old and a 10-year-old kidnapped a neighbor's 1-year-old son and demanded $200,000 for his return.The plan unraveled when the girls' mother asked what the one-year-old was doing IN THEIR ROOM. They claimed they had found him on the corner and brought him home. When confronted with fingerprint and handwriting evidence proving it was they who kidnapped the child, the 12-year-old blamed the entire incident on her 10-year-old sister, claiming it was her "wicked little mind" that hatched the plot. As they were being dragged away by police, they both started shrieking "WAIT! YOU CAN'T ARREST US! WE LOVE JESUS! JEEEEEEEEEEEEEESUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!"
ALLIED POWER! OOH-RAH! |
Edited by - Phoenix on July 07 2007 3:36:46 PM |
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django747

Lego Slut
USA
3950 Posts |
Posted - July 08 2007 : 03:45:39 AM
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When the cops bust me for drug posession:
"WAIT! YOU CAN'T ARREST ME! I LOVE SANTA CLAUS! SAAAAAAAAAANNNNNTTTTTAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
Anyway..... who wants to hear about a giant potty?
quote: BEIJING — They're flushed with pride in a southwestern Chinese city where a recently-opened porcelain palace features an Egyptian facade, soothing music and more than 1,000 toilets spread out over 32,290 square feet.
Officials in Chongqing are preparing to submit an application to Guinness World Records to have the free four-story public bathroom listed as the world's largest, the state-run China Central Television reported Friday.
"We are spreading toilet culture. People can listen to gentle music and watch TV," said Lu Xiaoqing, an official with the Yangrenjie, or "Foreigners Street," tourist area where the bathroom is located. "After they use the bathroom they will be very, very happy."
Footage aired on CCTV showed people milling about the sprawling facility and washing their hands at trough sinks. For open-aired relief, there is a cluster of stalls without a roof.
Unique urinals Some urinals are uniquely shaped, including ones inside open crocodile mouths and several that are topped by the bust of a woman resembling the Virgin Mary.
"Other bathrooms are all the same. This one is very special, I've never seen anything like it," one visitor to the tourist area told CCTV.
There are also plans to build a supermarket nearby, which will sell toilet-related items, CCTV reported.
If you're reading this, I'm probably stoned right now.
django747.deviantart.com |
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anothermoron

Apple Strudel
USA
5290 Posts |
Posted - July 08 2007 : 1:29:23 PM
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quote: There are also plans to build a supermarket nearby, which will sell toilet-related items, CCTV reported.
I've always wanted to own toilet-shaped dining chairs. Or mailbox. Or a fold-out toilet that when you push the handle, it turns into a recliner with a garbage can underneath it.
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Phoenix

Donna is a skank
USA
1309 Posts |
Posted - July 09 2007 : 01:26:47 AM
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OOH! OR A TOILET THAT DISPENSES/INSTALLS BUTTPLUGS FOR WHEN YOU HAVE THE SCREAMING SHITS!
ALLIED POWER! OOH-RAH! |
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django747

Lego Slut
USA
3950 Posts |
Posted - July 12 2007 : 11:56:26 PM
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quote: BEIJING - Chopped cardboard, softened with an industrial chemical and made tasty with pork flavoring, is a main ingredient in batches of steamed buns sold in one Beijing neighborhood, state television said.
The report, aired late Wednesday on China Central Television, highlights the country’s problems with food safety despite government efforts to improve the situation.
Countless small, often illegally run operations exist across China and make money cutting corners by using inexpensive ingredients or unsavory substitutes. They are almost impossible to regulate.
China Central Television’s undercover investigation features the shirtless, shorts-clad maker of the buns, called baozi, explaining the contents of the product sold in Beijing’s sprawling Chaoyang district.
The hidden camera follows the man, whose face is not shown, into a ramshackle building where steamers are filled with the fluffy white buns, traditionally stuffed with minced pork.
‘It fools the average person’ The surroundings are filthy, with water puddles and piles of old furniture and cardboard on the ground.
“What’s in the recipe?” the reporter asks. “Six to four,” the man says.
“You mean 60 percent cardboard? What is the other 40 percent?” asks the reporter. “Fatty meat,” the man replies.
The bun maker and his assistants then give a demonstration on how the product is made.
Squares of cardboard picked from the ground are first soaked to a pulp in a plastic basin of caustic soda — a chemical base commonly used in manufacturing paper and soap — then chopped into tiny morsels with a cleaver. Fatty pork and powdered seasoning are stirred in.
Soon, steaming servings of the buns appear on-screen. The reporter takes a bite.
“This baozi filling is kind of tough. Not much taste,” he says. “Can other people taste the difference?”
“Most people can’t. It fools the average person,” the maker says. “I don’t eat them myself.”
The police eventually show up and shut down the operation.
Fucking gross, dude.
If you're reading this, I'm probably stoned right now.
django747.deviantart.com |
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anothermoron

Apple Strudel
USA
5290 Posts |
Posted - July 13 2007 : 11:32:15 AM
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What is with China and shitty food? I'm never having Chinese food again unless it's in a ridiculously fancy restaurant. And I'll demand the waiter to check every grain of rice for maggots in front of me. And if he finds any, he has to put them in his ear.
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django747

Lego Slut
USA
3950 Posts |
Posted - July 13 2007 : 5:40:10 PM
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China's a shitty country in general.
If you're reading this, I'm probably stoned right now.
django747.deviantart.com |
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django747

Lego Slut
USA
3950 Posts |
Posted - July 13 2007 : 5:43:52 PM
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quote: WASHINGTON - A grand feast of marinated steaks and jumbo shrimp was winding down, and a group of friends was sitting on the back patio of a Capitol Hill home, sipping red wine. Suddenly, a hooded man slid in through an open gate and put the barrel of a handgun to the head of a 14-year-old guest.
"Give me your money, or I'll start shooting," he demanded, according to D.C. police and witness accounts.
The five other guests, including the girls' parents, froze — and then one spoke.
"We were just finishing dinner," Cristina "Cha Cha" Rowan, 43, blurted out. "Why don't you have a glass of wine with us?"
The intruder took a sip of their Chateau Malescot St-Exupéry and said, "Damn, that's good wine."
The girl's father, Michael Rabdau, 51, who described the harrowing evening in an interview, told the intruder, described as being in his 20s, to take the whole glass. Rowan offered him the bottle. The would-be robber, his hood now down, took another sip and had a bite of Camembert cheese that was on the table.
'Can I get a hug?' Then he tucked the gun into the pocket of his nylon sweatpants.
"I think I may have come to the wrong house," he said, looking around the patio of the home in the 1300 block of Constitution Avenue NE.
"I'm sorry," he told the group. "Can I get a hug?"
Rowan, who lives in Falls Church and works part time at her children's school, stood up and wrapped her arms around him. Then it was Rabdau's turn. Then his wife's. The other two guests complied.
"That's really good wine," the man said, taking another sip. He had a final request: "Can we have a group hug?"
The five adults surrounded him, arms out.
With that, the man walked out with a crystal wine glass in hand, filled with Chateau Malescot. No one was hurt, and nothing was stolen.
The homeowner, Xavier Cervera, 45, had gone out to walk his dog at the end of the party and missed the incident, which happened about midnight June 16. Police classified the case as strange but true and said they had not located a suspect.
"We believe it is a true robbery," said Cmdr. Diane Groomes, who is in charge of patrols in the Capitol Hill area. But it's one-of-a-kind, she said, adding, "I've never heard of a robber joining a party and then walking out to the sunset."
The hug, she said, was especially unusual. "They should have squeezed him and held onto him for us," she said.
Rabdau said he hasn't been able to figure out what happened.
"I was definitely expecting there would be some kind of casualty," Rabdau said this week. "He was very aggressive at first; then it turned into a love fest. I don't know what it was."
Was it the wine or the cheese? Rabdau, a federal government worker who lives in Anne Arundel County with his family and lived on Capitol Hill with his wife in the 1980s, said that the episode lasted about 10 minutes but seemed like an hour. He believes the guests were spared because they kept a positive attitude during the exchange.
"There was this degree of disbelief and terror at the same time," Rabdau said. "Then it miraculously just changed. His whole emotional tone turned — like, we're one big happy family now. I thought: Was it the wine? Was it the cheese?"
After the intruder left, the guests walked inside the house, locked the door and stared at each other. They didn't say a word. Rabdau dialed 911. Police arrived quickly and took a report. They also dusted for fingerprints — so far, to no avail.
In the alley behind the home, investigators found the intruder's empty crystal wine glass on the ground, unbroken.
Damn, this sounds like a dumb wine commercial, lol.
If you're reading this, I'm probably stoned right now.
django747.deviantart.com |
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anothermoron

Apple Strudel
USA
5290 Posts |
Posted - July 13 2007 : 11:15:33 PM
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Hahaha, yeah it does...
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cranium_bear

small, woolly, slightly neurotic
3021 Posts |
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django747

Lego Slut
USA
3950 Posts |
Posted - July 23 2007 : 1:54:14 PM
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quote: BHUBANESHWAR, India - Thirty polythene bags stuffed with the body parts of female fetuses and newly born babies have been found in a dry well near a private clinic in the east Indian state of Orissa, police said on Monday.
Police suspect the body parts -- mainly skulls and bones -- were dumped in the well shortly after birth or abortion at the clinic in Nayagarh district, 90 km (55 miles) southwest of the state capital, Bhubaneshwar.
The manager of the clinic has been arrested.
Female feticide? “Prima facia seems to indicate female feticide but we can’t be sure until forensic examinations are conducted,” said B.K. Sharma, Orissa’s crime branch inspector-general of police.
Despite laws banning sex determination tests, the killing of female fetuses is still common in India, where the preference for sons runs deep. Infanticide is also practiced in some areas.
Boys are traditionally preferred to girls as breadwinners and because families have to pay huge dowries to marry off daughters.
Police said they searched the well after seven female fetuses, also packed into polythene bags, were found dumped in a deserted area in a nearby village a week ago.
Officials said they believed the two cases were linked and are part of an organized racket involved in female feticide.
The government says around 10 million girls have been killed by their parents -- either before or immediately after birth -- over the past 20 years.
Last month, a doctor was arrested on suspicion of illegally aborting 260 female fetuses after police recovered bones from the septic tank in the basement of his maternity clinic in the outskirts of New Delhi.
Big Bags O' Baby Bones! What the fuck....
If you're reading this, I'm probably stoned right now.
django747.deviantart.com |
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anothermoron

Apple Strudel
USA
5290 Posts |
Posted - July 23 2007 : 4:58:07 PM
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I didn't know they had laws against sex determination tests in India. It's a good thing they do, though.
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anothermoron

Apple Strudel
USA
5290 Posts |
Posted - August 21 2007 : 10:32:23 PM
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TSN is at his drunken, crazy antics again...
Blind Driver Caught Again
TALLINN (Reuters) - An Estonian man who was caught driving a car even though he is blind has been at it again, police said on Monday, and this time he faces jail. Police first arrested the man, 20, a week ago.
"We arrested the same blind man driving his car again on Saturday in the town of Torvandi, near Tartu (in southern Estonia)," said Marge Kohtla, a spokeswoman for Tartu police district. "He was drunk. There were three people in the car with him giving him instructions."
She said police wanted the court to jail the man for 30 days and confiscate his car.
[Source: Reuters]
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django747

Lego Slut
USA
3950 Posts |
Posted - August 22 2007 : 01:58:53 AM
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Um, if TSN were blind, how did he read these forums?
If you're reading this, I'm probably stoned right now.
django747.deviantart.com |
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anothermoron

Apple Strudel
USA
5290 Posts |
Posted - August 22 2007 : 3:15:43 PM
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Well, he's a drunk too. Drunks do crazy things. Like read while blind. Silly, silly alcoholics.
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psychotic_bastard

Lololo!!1 haxxorz!
USA
686 Posts |
Posted - August 22 2007 : 10:19:45 PM
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Aug 21, 4:35 PM (ET)
STERLING HEIGHTS, Mich. (AP) - A thief installed a camera on an ATM, but instead of card numbers, he ended up capturing an image of himself.
"He's not a stupid individual to put on this type of scam, but his blunder by keeping the camera on will help us locate him and arrest him," Sterling Heights police Lt. Michael Reese told the Detroit Free Press for a story Tuesday.
A bank customer found the device and reported it to authorities, police said. As a result, none of the suburban Detroit bank's customers who used the machine have reported any losses, officials said.
The man is white, between the ages of 47 and 55 with white and gray hair and was seen wearing wire-rimmed glasses and a baseball cap, The Detroit News reported.
Retard.
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Don't be sexist, man. Bitches hate that shit. |
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anothermoron

Apple Strudel
USA
5290 Posts |
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cranium_bear

small, woolly, slightly neurotic
3021 Posts |
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django747

Lego Slut
USA
3950 Posts |
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RobotChicken

Farmer Killer
USA
684 Posts |
Posted - October 01 2007 : 8:10:01 PM
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quote: Originally posted by anothermoron
Okay, the story was already stupid enough when a state senator filed a lawsuit against God to prove a point about the legal system, but it gets even funnier when "God" decided to file a claim against him.
http://video.aol.com/video/news-god-responds-to-nebraska-lawsuit/1973123
And I think the point is slowly being made.

I remember that. I couldn't stop laughing when i found out about it. 
 the invasion against the sweaty farmers is soon |
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anothermoron

Apple Strudel
USA
5290 Posts |
Posted - October 01 2007 : 10:37:36 PM
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quote: Originally posted by cranium_bear
what the hell is this all about? michigin shutting down?? http://www.michigan.gov/som/0,1607,7-192--177036--,00.html
Cranium, that's weird as hell. As stupid. I thought ILLINOIS was the shittiest state government in the country.
And Django, that sucks. Did you know the guy at all? I'm guessing not; it's a big university.
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cranium_bear

small, woolly, slightly neurotic
3021 Posts |
Posted - October 03 2007 : 8:20:39 PM
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mom of the year! http://www.breitbart.tv/?p=6274 oh yah did i mention she snoted coke off her breastfeeding babies stomach? |
Edited by - cranium_bear on October 04 2007 7:30:10 PM |
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django747

Lego Slut
USA
3950 Posts |
Posted - October 03 2007 : 9:44:57 PM
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quote: Originally posted by anothermoron
and Django, that sucks. Did you know the guy at all? I'm guessing not; it's a big university.
Nope, I didn't know this guy at all. He just transferred here recently from Nashville. The thing is that they found $7000 on him that he won at the casinos in Tunica, MS, so I'm guessing that his gambling habits played a major part in his murder.
If you're reading this, I'm probably stoned right now.
django747.deviantart.com |
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The Russian Knight

Sunshine Luver
USA
2903 Posts |
Posted - October 03 2007 : 10:39:25 PM
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a local cop was at a mall undercover and one of the leaders of the latin kings gang tried to run him over and the police man shot and killed him, not even joking gais
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django747

Lego Slut
USA
3950 Posts |
Posted - October 04 2007 : 03:01:07 AM
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This is probably the weirdest story I've read this year....
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21123611/
So, apparently, seven kids were abusing a black kid by writing racial slurs on him, but what's weird is that all of these kids including the victim are deaf, and even one of the abusers is black. What the fuck?
If you're reading this, I'm probably stoned right now.
django747.deviantart.com |
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anothermoron

Apple Strudel
USA
5290 Posts |
Posted - October 04 2007 : 1:15:54 PM
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Lawl, those deaf black folks and their swastikas.
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django747

Lego Slut
USA
3950 Posts |
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